


Ann Arbor

by Castiron



Category: Cabin Pressure, Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Crossover, Dialogue-Only, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-29 16:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20799494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiron/pseuds/Castiron
Summary: Gertie needs exorcising. The Ghostbusters need a flight home. Simple, right?





	Ann Arbor

"Farewell, scenic Ann Arbor! We bask in the satisfaction of a job well done, the safe and remunerative delivery of British food products to homesick expatriates, and the peace of a flight to New York without French horn players."

"I'll miss them. I'd found the rendition of 'I Puritani' quite pleasant."

"Yes, Herc, and that is because you enjoy opera, whereas reasonable people...oh, dear, what has Arthur done now?"

"Er, Mum? There's a small problem."

"Yes, I had gathered that from the smoke rising from the galley, though the green slime on the ceiling is a new culinary low. What on earth were you trying to make?"

"See, that's the thing. I opened the microwave door to heat my Coney Island Toffee Surprise..."

"How often Arthur's errors turn into saving graces."

"...when this glowing man jumped out of the microwave."

"...and that was not how I'd expected that sentence to end."

"Arthur, light of my life, it is impossible that a man, glowing or otherwise, could even fit in the microwave, let alone jump out....oh, dear."

"Goodness. I'd always thought 'ghost in the machine' was a metaphor."

"Sir, whatever you are doing on my jet, do it somewhere else!"

"ROOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRHHHHHHHHH!!!!""

"Pilots, Arthur, off the plane!"

* * *

"Well. That was unexpected."

"I told you...."

"Quiet, Arthur. I don't care that we just saw a spectral figure pass through the galley wall. There is no such thing as a ghost."

"Much as I long to agree with you, in this instance the empirical evidence suggests otherwise."

"But this is ridiculous. If ghosts existed, whyever would one be interested in haunting my jet?"

"Perhaps the ghost finds you as attractive as I do."

"We've been married for a year; you don't have to pretend anymore. I, however, am going to pretend that we did not see a ghost, in the hopes that denial will make it disappear so we can depart."

"Much as I am enjoying this insight into your personal metaphysics, I feel I must bring one fact to your attention. Take a look at those four women over there. Recognize anyone?"

"Oh! It's the GhostDusters!"

"Ghost_Busters_, Arthur. They don't go around with ostrich feathers on sticks making sure that all the ghosts are clean."

"I believe our problem may be solved."

"Douglas, you're not seriously saying...."

"Yes, Carolyn, I am suggesting that we take advantage of the situation and consult the professionals."

"And their fees, undoubtedly appropriate for the hazards of the job but surely beyond even our much improved financial state?"

"Leave that...to the amateur."

* * *

"I knew we shouldn't have taken an out-of-town job the day before an important client's site visit. Now our flight back has been completely borked and we're stuck in Ann Arbor. We're never going to get home in time."

"Oh, don't worry, Erin. I'm sure we can get seats on _some_ flight back."

"Did you hear the gate agent? Storm system over Atlanta, four-hour delays at O'Hare — we'll be lucky to be on a plane by Tuesday!"

"I say we should rent a car and be done with it. Can't be worse than sleeping in the terminal."

"Hey, I bet that if we hooked up our energy packs and took the belt from the luggage carousel, we could improvise a glider that'd get us back to New York in about an hour and a half. Assuming we survive the radiation, of course."

"Holtzman, would you stop channelling Iron Man and think of a practical suggestion?"

"What if we got another plane?"

"Yes, Kevin, that's the problem. We can't _get_ another plane."

"*ahem* Perhaps we might be of some assistance, if you wouldn't mind doing us a favour in return. Douglas Richardson, OJS Air, and we have a small problem that may fall into your bailiwick."

* * *

"Oh dear."

"What's the matter, darling?"

"Why, nothing! Nothing at all is wrong. I am perfectly fine. He probably won't remember me anyway."

"And here we are. Carolyn, this is Dr. Erin Gilbert. Dr. Gilbert, Carolyn Knapp-Shipwright, our CEO. Dr. Gilbert and her team would like to return to New York as soon as possible. Coincidentally, we have a freight delivery that we would like to get to New York as soon as possible. Dr. Gilbert has agreed to help us if we can help them."

"Excellent. Dr. Gilbert, would you please step this way?"

"Call me Erin. Now, tell me more about this ghost?"

"Hey, there. Kevin Beckman."

"Arthur Shappey. Excuse me, have I met you somewhere?"

"Not that I recall. You look familiar too, though."

"Must be that what-do-you-call-it, then. That French word for when you think you've seen something before."

"Dizzy vole?"

"Yeah, that's it!"

"Kevin! Could you _please_ bring us the proton packs?"

"You get to carry all their bags for them?"

"Yep."

"Wow!"

* * *

"I hate working on planes; they don't have enough room for people, let alone our equipment.... Well, they certainly have elevated spectral energy levels."

"And look at the omicron waves! I haven't seen them this strong since that class 4B specter in Newark."

"Ooh, I bet I can break 5000 RPM on the phantasmeter .... oops. I'd better redesign that to take 8000."

"Man, this is definitely a ghost with anger issues. And do I smell cigarette smoke?"

"This is amazing! Wait, this is scary. Can we actually handle this type of ghost with the equipment we have here?"

"Oh, don't be a pessimist! Of _course_ we can!"

"What the hell color is that ectoplasm? I saw less scary things in the subway."

"Or maybe we can't. But if we had more information about how it got here, that'd help."

"All right, I'll go talk to them. Holtzman, keep scanning those fields. Patty, cross-check the readings with the database, and make sure Holtzman doesn't use the plane for parts. Abby, take over the class 5 monitor and try to keep him contained in the walls. Kevin...well...you'd better come with me."

"Huh, there's something about these field wavelengths that looks familiar.... uh-oh."

"Holtzie, what is it?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing. Right. Abby, did we pack the lead shielding in our carry-on?"

* * *

"I don't like this."

"Of course you don't, darling. No one wants their plane to be haunted by a malevolent spirit. And here comes Dr. Gilbert and her assistant."

"Dr. Gilbert, have you made any progress?"

"Yes, but we need more information to make sense of some of the readings. I realize this is an obvious question, but have you ever had anyone die on the plane? Perhaps someone who was a heavy smoker?"

"Well, now that you come to mention it...."

"Oh, no. Don't tell me that odious Mr. Leeman is haunting my jet."

"But assuming it _is_ Mr. Leeman, why would he show up here, now? He died years ago, and we've never had supernatural activity on Gertie before. Natural activity, certainly; unnatural activity, every time Arthur cooks, but not supernatural."

"Maybe you flew over the place where he died!"

"Kevin, that's a surprisingly plausible idea. Where was that?"

"The middle of the Atlantic."

"That wouldn't be it, then; he'd have manifested long before now."

"I know! Maybe he entered one of the overhead bins and couldn't undo the catch! That happens all the time with seat 14B."

"Arthur, why would a ghost who can pass through the wall of the galley be stuck in a overhead bin?"

"Oh. Good point."

"Maybe he was worried about items shifting during flight."

"Thank you, Kevin, but I doubt that was the case."

"Yeah, I think your boss is right. It's a brilliant idea, though! *pause* Are you sure we haven't met? Because you really look like someone I know."

"So do you! It's a little like that guy I keep seeing in mirrors and windows of dark rooms, but not really."

"Oh wow! Is he a ghost too?"

"Is anyone else savouring this meeting of the minds?"

"Actually, yes, I am, but that's not helping you get your plane back in the air. Did this Mr. Leeman have some connection with Ann Arbor?"

"None at all. He was from Boston, he died en route there, and we delivered his body to a hospital after we landed."

"With a little bit of effort."

"Kindly shut up, Douglas. But we haven't flown to Boston on this trip at all, and the last time we landed there was seven months ago."

"Weird. That's definitely not the behavior I'd expect from a paranormal entity...oh my God. Boston, you said?"

"Yes."

"Excuse me a minute, Mrs. Knapp-Shipwright. I need to talk with my colleagues about some technical issues."

* * *

"Erin, we've got him contained in the bathroom for the moment but we can't seem to.... I know that face. That is the Erin-thinks-we-screwed-up face."

"Holtzman. Remember that early version of the trap that you said sent ghosts to Michigan?"

"Would I forget anything with that much potential to blow the Eastern Seaboard to the west coast of Greenland?"

"Let me guess. That's the one you tested in Boston."

"Of course. One of my last surviving study partners called and said a ghost was haunting the hospital she worked at and asked if I could take a look. So I did."

"Oooh. That is the Erin-has-a-legitimate-point face."

"Are you saying that Holtzie sent this ghost here and that's why this plane is possessed? Oh man, does that mean we don't get a free ride after all?"

"Oops. Er. Sorry about that. New technology sometimes has unexpected consequences, and, well... Oh, hello, Mrs. Knapp-Shipwright!"

"Why, hello! I came to check on your progress, and I couldn't help overhearing that you are the reason my plane is haunted in the first place. Do you care to explain?"

"Oops."

* * *

"So, you're saying that your own Dr. Holtzman is responsible for Gertie's haunting...."

"...because of a device she used with insufficient laboratory testing, yes. I am so sorry for the inconvenience."

"Remarkable. She sounds like the textbook example of a mad scientist."

"No, she is _not_ a mad scientist. A scientist comes up with hypotheses and tests them in order to form a theory. Erin and Abby are mad scientists. Holtzman is a mad engineer."

"I stand corrected. And you?"

"Honey, the longer we wait here, the madder I get."

"May I remind you that we are delayed here because of spectral activity that is the aftermath of something your company did? I expect you to fix it, and then we can discuss whether my company will still provide you transport."

"But Mum, we promised that we'd take them with us."

"We did not promise; we made a business deal, which is now invalid."

"Mrs. Knapp-Shipwright, under the circumstances we'd of course be willing to pay your usual charter fees."

"And we'll throw in 10% extra for the inconvenience. Erin, don't look at me like that; I checked our bank balance, and the Ann Arbor payment's already cleared."

"Nonetheless, tempting as an extra surcharge may be — and I must say, it's indeed tempting...."

"You know, if we don't deal with this ghost, this plane is staying right here."

"Right. Mrs. Knapp-Shipwright, we'll talk about this more in a bit."

* * *

"Captain Richardson."

"Dr. Yates. Ms. Tolan."

"From what Arthur's said, it sounds like you're the person who can help us. We really, really need to get home tonight. And your CEO seems ready to kick us out of the airport."

"I'm afraid there isn't much I can do. I do sympathize; you didn't intend to banish that particular ghost to just the airport where we might acquire it. But when it comes down to it, Carolyn pays my salary, and I rather like my job."

"Hey, we don't want you to get up in her face about it; just a little subtle coaxing, you know? And in return, we've got these.... Excuse me, did we just short out your brain?"

"You have _Hamilton_ tickets? You have front-row _Hamilton_ tickets? You have _eight_ front-row _Hamilton_ tickets for tonight?"

"The theater was _really_ grateful for some work we did for them. Long story."

"Yeah, I used to think that superstition about its being bad luck to quote _Macbeth_ backstage was bogus, but I sure believe now."

"Anyway, we can get tickets whenever we want, and if we're stuck here I can call and release these. But perhaps you might be able to find someone who can use them? _If_ we get back to New York with you in time?"

"Deal."

* * *

"Well? Have you any progress to report?"

"I have good news, bad news, and medium news. The good news is that he isn't leaving the bathroom. The bad news is that he isn't leaving the bathroom, and with the equipment we have here, we can't force him out without risking damage to the plane. The medium news is that we've interpreted his ghostly utterances, and he seems to be saying he wants to chew out, how did it go? 'That little man who killed me.'"

"Oh God, no."

"So, if we can figure out what he means by the little man who killed him...."

"Well. Um. Er. I killed him, actually."

"_You_ killed him? What did you do, forget to tell him to extend the tube on the oxygen mask?"

"Oh no, Mum always does the safety briefing. No, it was....I sprayed him with a fire extinguisher and gave him a heart attack. So if his ghost needs to attack someone so that we can start Gertie and go home...well...I guess it has to be me, then."

"But Arthur — can I call you Arthur? — he said a _little_ man. You're not particularly short."

"No. That's true. I'm actually quite reasonably sized."

"Could I discuss that further with you at a later time?"

"Erin, this is not the time to indulge your kink for hot dumb men. Now, Arthur, if he didn't mean you, and he certainly didn't mean Captain Richardson or First Officer Shipwright, then who was he talking about?"

"Oh ho ho!"

"Well, this should be interesting."

"Oh God, no."

"Mrs. Knapp-Shipwright, are you all right?"

"I'm fine; I'm just building up my tolerance for stickling and sheer panic before I make a phone call."

"So...I don't have to go face the ghost myself?"

"No, Arthur, I believe that in this case you are cleared of all responsibility."

"Phew, that's a relief."

"Hey, that was nice of you to offer."

"Thanks — er, what was your name again?"

"Kevin."

"Funny! I've got a cousin named Kevin. He's from Australia, but he lives in New York now."

"That's an amazing coincidence! See, I have a cousin named Arthur. He lives in Fitton."

"Wow, I live in Fitton! That's brilliant! It'd be even better if your mother's name was Vicki Shappey-Beckman."

"My mother's name _is_ Vicki Shappey-Beckman! How did you guess?"

"Because I have an aunt Vicki Shappey-Beckman from Australia."

"I have a mother Vicki Shappey-Beckman from Australia. Whoa, I wonder if my mother's related to your aunt."

"Whoa. That would be brilliant."

"Ladies and gentlemen, behold the newest commercial for Ancestry dot com."

"Shush, Douglas, don't call his attention."

"Hey Arthur, I just thought of something. If your aunt were related to my mom and my mom were related to me, we might be ... wait a minute! You're Aunt Carolyn!"

"I was hoping you wouldn't recognize me."

"Then you must be Uncle Gordon!"

"Actually, no. I suppose technically I'm your uncle Herc."

"You changed your name?"

"Mum! They're family! We can't charge family!"

"Tell that to my uncle."

"Arthur, we are stuck here in the first place because of them. The only silver lining is that we'll miss the opera."

"Dearest, have I ever told you how much I appreciate your support of my hobbies and interests?"

"Oh, you're into opera? You need to meet my cousin Sam. He's on the backstage crew at the Met. And I bet if I asked him, he'd be willing to give you the VIP tour."

"I may well take advantage of that offer when we're next in New York. But as a matter of fact, we aren't going to the opera. We're going to a musical."

"That's just as bad..._Hamilton_? No. I am not interested in sitting through an evening of overhyped American history."

"Ah, I wasn't clear. We — Douglas and I, Arthur and his cousin, and the Ghostbusters are going to _Hamilton_. You are going to spend an evening alone in a five-star hotel with stellar room service."

"Alone? With room service? Uninterrupted for however long it takes for you lot to go to Broadway, sit through a concert, and come back to the hotel?"

"We might even go out for a late supper afterwards. If we get back tonight; we might decide to bunk down in the Ghostbusters' headquarters so we don't disturb you.."

"Herc, I think that's the best present anyone's given me in a long time. All right, Dr. Gilbert, if your team can get Mr. Leeman off my jet without damaging her further, the original agreement stands. Now, get your equipment ready while I, sigh, contact Martin."

* * *

"Swiss Airways, First Officer Crieff speaking."

"RAHHHHHHHAHAARRRH!!!!!!"

"What? Who is this? Look, if this is your idea of a joke, I find it incredibly inappropriate, especially when we're in the air!"

"Perfect! He's moving!"

"Not to mention a violation of at least seventeen different ordinances!"

"AAAAARRRGGGGGH!!!!!!!"

"Epsilon beam on!"

"I am going to disconnect right now —"

"No, Martin!"

"Ow, that's gotta hurt."

"Carolyn? What on earth is going on?"

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLL!!"

"Nothing at all. We simply need you to stay on the line for another minute."

"I can lipread that, ghost! Watch your language!"

"Two minutes. Maybe five."

"Holtzman, count of three!" 

"YOOOOOOU CAN'T STOP ME! I'LL SMOKE IF I WANT TO, YOU OBNOXIOUS LITTLE MAN!!!!!!"

"— and three!"

"... Carolyn? Carolyn? Are you there?"

"Hi! Are you Mr. Crieff?"

"First Officer Crieff. Who's this? Where's Carolyn?"

"I'm Abby Yates from the Ghostbusters. Carolyn got caught in some ectoplasmic backsplash, but she's fine, just annoyed. You didn't have any spectral activity come over the airwaves, did you?"

"Spectral what? Is this a prank? Because if it is, I don't think very much of it."

"Is your phone or your instrument panel glowing any color it shouldn't be?"

"No."

"Then everything's fine. Thanks! You've been a big help!"

"Wait! What's happening? _Ghost_bus—"

*click*

* * *

"Well, thank God that's over. I must say that I'm even more grateful to be en route than usual."

"Us too. And I am so sorry for the trouble...."

"Say no more about it. I keep a couple of changes of clothing on board for just this purpose, though ectoplasm is a new one."

*ding dong* "This is your captain speaking. We're now at cruising altitude and would greatly appreciate it if Arthur would bring us coffee. Or perhaps meerkat urine, which knowing Arthur he would actually be able to make taste like coffee."

"Arthur! Coffee and tea service all around. Kevin, I may regret saying this, but go help him."

* * *

"So, this is where you work?"

"Yeah."

"Nice! It's twice as big as my apartment!"

"Brilliant! I never noticed all the space before. Say, could you get the milk out of the fridge for me?"

"Sure thing.... Whoa."

"What, has it gone off? Oh. Well, I didn't expect to see _that_."

"Oh, it happens all the time where I work."

"A portal to another dimension in your fridge with a snarling foam-covered demon shouting 'Gozer' and two really hungry dog-things?"

"Yep."

"Should we tell the others?"

"Let's not. It'd only worry them."

"Yeah, you're right. I'll just throw this bag of marshmallows in there so they have something to eat. Good doggies!"

**Author's Note:**

> After I wrote [I Ain't 'Fraid of No Feud](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8950852), in which the CP fan will recognize the team the Ghostbusters are playing against, I wanted to do a proper Ghostbusters/Cabin Pressure crossover. It took me only 2.75 years to write it....


End file.
